Some of you may remember earlier this year when one of our inaugural posts was an attempt to chronicle some of the most ridiculous outfits of Japan Fashion Week 2012. Looking back, our jokes weren’t funny, the writing was awfully bland, and the designs we picked out weren’t even the craziest ones that debuted. Unfortunately for our loyal readers, we didn’t learn our lesson from that, so when we found out that London Fashion Week had ended exactly one week ago, we decided to once again don our fashion caps and spend some time analyzing the more insane outfits from the week.
Once again, we feel it is important to issue the disclaimer that we are not fashion designers, nor do we pretend to have excellent fashion taste. We will poke fun at designers who have forgotten more than we will ever know about fashion design and we will undoubtedly make fun of some outfits that others find revolutionary or cutting-edge. After all the serious discussion that usually accompanies any fashion week, look at this as a light-hearted take from some people who love art, but just don’t understand fashion.
Sister by Sibling
Take some powdered sugar and flaked coconut, and you have the makings of coconut balls, one of the favorite dessert treats of people across the country. Extrapolate that idea to the world of fashion, and you end up with whatever you want to call this fascinating outfit from Sister by Sibling. This poor model looks both delicious and ridiculous all at once, and that’s without looking at the pom-poms the designers super-glued to the headgear and the open-toed heels like look like a psychedelic pair of Nike basketball shoes. I guess you can see the model’s arms barely peeking out behind the white frills of the outfit, but if I were a store clerk and a person wearing this asked for their change, I think I might end up trying to tuck the dollar bills into the bathing cap.
Sister by Sibling
Fresh off yet another disappointing playoff run from the Vancouver Canucks, at least one of the Green Men decided to take his talents to the runway and model for Sister by Sibling. The only difference between the two events is that Sister by Sibling decided to give the Green Man a sexy upgrade, which comes in the form of a fishnet knee-length skirt, some easily visible underwear, and a dainty black bonnet last seen unsuccessfully trying to convince Little Red Riding Hood that the wearer of said bonnet was her grandmother. I am assuming this poor model can see through her mask, because the heels and tight skirt probably make it hard to walk in that outfit already. We aren’t women, so we don’t pretend to know anything about what they like to wear, but I am not sure too many women are psyched about the chance to show off their entire lower-half without being able to see all the looks they are drawing. But hey, maybe we are wrong.
As a small child, there is no one who took a more perverse pleasure than jumping into the middle of rain puddles than I, and this outfit looks like something I definitely could have used as a kid, assuming those overalls are made from latex and not leather. Regardless of the material, this model deserves some sort of stoicism award for maintaining that straight face with what appears to be one of the absolute worst front-wedgies in the history of front-wedgies. Maybe next time they can get the model a longer pair of overalls so his private parts don’t seem so…er…suffocated. Let’s not even get started on the bowling shirt that looks like it was rooted from Charlie Sheen’s trailer on Two And A Half Men and just skip straight to the classic Chuck Taylor’s. Some may think the shoes look tacky, but you will never here me speak ill of Converse’s most popular sneaker ever.
Vivienne Westwood Red Label
I wanted to start by mentioning this model’s eerie resemblance to Amy Winehouse, but we are here to focus on the outfits and while the dress is elegant, form-fitting, and gorgeous, this outfit as a whole is quite a doozy. If Allen Iverson had known that these gloves existed when he was dominating the NBA, you better believe he would have been out there rocking those multi-colored accessories. We aren’t done with sports analogies either because, unless the picture is deceiving me, the tan-colored parts of the footwear bear an uncanny resemblance to the protector that some baseball sluggers wear to protect their shins. Now I have no idea why this model or anyone wearing that footwear would feel compelled to protect their shins, but it’s their body, and they can protect whatever part of it they please.
I am sorry but in what alternate universe or culture is this outfit acceptable to wear out in public? It’s almost as if the designers couldn’t decide whether they wanted to go with formal, casual, or beachwear, and so they just combined elements of all three of them to make on heck of an insane outfit. I guess the coat looks reasonable enough, although I have no idea whether you would consider that a formal or a casual jacket, but I am sorry, call me an ignoramus but you simply can’t combine a sports bra and a business skirt under one jacket and call it high fashion. I guess it would be a sexy and elegant outfit if you were wearing it around the house, but the purse indicates this outfit is meant to be worn out, presumably to mess with clothing store clerks who won’t know which department to send you to when you walk in.
I would be remiss if I didn’t start by mentioning that Philip Treacy is widely known as one of the foremost headgear designers and his hats have been worn by everyone from Sarah Jessica Parker to Princess Beatrice of York. His hats tend to be uniquely inspired and absolute fascinating to look at on someone’s head, but I am sorry, this is not a hat, it’s just a smiley face mask. If I weren’t so sure that this model was female, I would be willing to consider the fact that Michael Jackson was still alive and hiding in plain sight, because the rest of the outfit looks like something he has worn before but since Treacy is a hat designer, let’s stick to the headgear. Can the model even see out from behind that smiling face? It must be difficult. And what about all the annoying people who will want to slap the smiley face as they walk by? Did Treacy think about that? Because it will happen, and I will be the first in line to get a slap in. I am sorry, but there is just no way you can wear that mask and take yourself seriously.
We should point out that Mazhar has made his name by designing clothing for some of London’s most prominent alternative subcultures, so this outfit isn’t entirely surprising, but that doesn’t make it any less ridiculous either, it just means that potentially Mazhar intended for this outfit to look ridiculous. I am all for long shorts, a short jacket that shows off my ripped abs, and a backwards hat, I am just not sure I would have ripped up one of my grandmother’s favorite towels to make all three items. Those shorts are so absurd and parachute-y that MC Hammer is frothing at the mouth he is so jealous. The shirt has all sorts of things going on and looks like something all of the Spice Girls have worn at one point or another, and I have no idea what to make of the hat other than to say it is clearly a few sizes too large for this unlucky fellow and I have no idea how he will make it fit, because I am not sure whether that enormous black strap across the back means it is adjustable or not. I mean look at this model, has anyone tried harder to look serious only to end up looking really really sad? I don’t think so.